he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
