I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
