Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
