I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
