According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
