Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
