He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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