allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
