went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
