my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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