So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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