what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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