I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...