Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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