i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
