I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
