just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
