please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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