im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
