Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We named our party play list daddy issues
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
