Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
