i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
