my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
