Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
