I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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