Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
