Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
