To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
