I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
