We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
