help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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