Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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