OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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