i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
