Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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