apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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