I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
