Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize