the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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