by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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