Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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