Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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