i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
