I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
