I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
