I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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