how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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