there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
