He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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