he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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