I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
