i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How's work?
Spinning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
