we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize