So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
