you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize