hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize