Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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