How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
