I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
