You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
