But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I DEMAND FORESKIN
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
