I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that's an acceptable place to lick
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
