and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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