I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
