Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
