I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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