I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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