just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
