My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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