My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
