Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
