1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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