it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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