he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
