Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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