So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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